By Gretchen Rubin
Just about anyone who has ever put off a troublesome task is familiar with one of my Secrets of Adulthood: Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.
When there’s some chore you just don’t want to tackle, every other chore seems alluring. As a friend told me, “My apartment is never cleaner than when I have a writing assignment due.”
In Roy Baumeister and John Tierney’s fascinating book, Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength, they suggest the “Nothing Alternative” to this problem. That is, if you want to get yourself to do something, make the alternative to that task to do nothing.
This rule was inspired by the habits of writer Raymond Chandler. Chandler set aside at least four hours each day for writing; he didn’t force himself... More...
By Annabel Candy
We met at sunset in the south of France. My breath stilled as he sat down on the swing next to me.
His dark , Mediterranean eyes and shy smile won me over but, with his red hair and freckled face, he didn’t look French.
“Bonsoir,” he said.
“Bonsoir,” I repeated, surprised at first then, happy and keen to practice my school girl french, I continued,
“Comment tu t’appelles?”
“David,” he replied, emphasizing and stretching out the last vowel.
“Daveeed.” I breathed, smiling back.
“Et toi?”
“Je m’appelle Annabel,” I answered, the well practiced rhyme tripping off my tongue.
We spoke more. I couldn’t say much or understand... More...
By Leah McClellan
A lot of unhappiness or lack of peace stems from discontent with the way things are.
Surprise, surprise.
Your job sucks. Traffic isn’t budging—again. Your husband forgot it was his turn to cook dinner or your wife forgot it was hers. Your child’s school grades are beyond disappointing, and your long-planned island vacation was so bad it wasn’t worth the hassle it took to get there.
Why not just accept all things as they are and get happy already?
It’s an intriguing idea, but here’s the catch: If we truly accept things as they are unconditionally, the world as we know it will come to a grinding—messy—halt.
If you somehow get happy with a lousy job, you won’t bother to find a more challenging, more interesting, or higher-paying position.
If you simply... More...
By Christine Gilbert
Som Tum, Green Papaya Salad
This dish requires no cooking and is very fast to make… if you have green papayas (unripe papaya). But green papaya is very similar to cucumber, so if you wanted to make a spicy cucumber peanut salad, you could probably modify this recipe.
2 cups shredded fresh green papaya
6 cherry tomatoes
2 tablespoons dried shrimp (optional, if you like the salty fishy taste)
1/4 cup roasted peanuts
4-6 fresh Thai chiles, remove stems
3-4 cloves garlic
2 tablespoons fish sauce
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
Prep:
Use the flat side of your knife to crush the garlic. Crush the chillies too. Then chop them all up — roughly. (This recipe really calls for a mortar and pestel but... More...
By Alisa Bowman
A Post Where You Get to Help A Fellow Reader Out
When I asked you all about your most vexing marital problems, AmyB commented:
“Internet Pornography is a constant struggle. I’m not against sexual experimentation or even masturbation. I’m not even against other ‘consenting” adults using responsible pornography if they like it and it helps their sex lives, BUT I feel that in MY relationship I want my partner to direct his sexual tension and arousal to me, his very open sexual partner, not an anonymous person on a computer screen. According to him, pornography and sex with a partner are two totally different things. I still can’t help to think that it affects the dynamics of a relationship. Am I being unrealistic? Am I not allowing my partner to be independent in his choice to... More...
By Barrie Davenport
Your job is a huge part of your life.
If you work a typical 40-hour work week, that’s around 2000 hours a year spent on the job. You spend more waking time working than you do with your spouse, partner, children, or friends.
Hopefully, your job is more than a job. Hopefully, it is your profession, your calling, your passion. But even if your current job is just your career for now, you don’t want to unknowingly sabotage it and undermine your opportunities for success.
According to Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D., Professor of Leadership and Organizational Psychology at Claremont McKenna College, in an article for Psychology Today, here are five behaviors that could derail you on your career path:
1. Poor Interpersonal Style. Although technical competence... More...
By Gina Parris of Winning at Romance.
One question that I’m asked more than any other is “How do I increase my sex drive when it’s just not there?”
For 14 years, this was the issue that plagued me, so I love sharing some keys to my turnaround.
First let’s ask, Why should we even care about having sex when we’re NOT in the mood. Shouldn’t we just be able to roll with our mood?
Well, yes and no. Here’s why.
Because how you “do sex” is how you do anything.
It’s how you live your life. It’s how you serve others. It’s how you respect yourself. It’s how you are either ruled by your emotions, or you triumph over them.
Who you practice being in your most intimate life is a huge factor in... More...
By Angela Artemis
Knowledge has three degrees — opinion, science, illumination. The means or instrument of the first is sense; of the second, dialectic; of the third, intuition. –Plotinus
Today, I am sharing three brilliant questions on intuition development from readers.
Even if you don’t see your exact intuition development question here you’re sure to find an answer that will apply to your own situation.
1. My life feels stuck. I need change now but, nothing seems to be happening. How can I get guidance from my intuition as to what to do to get my life moving again?
If you’re life is ‘stuck” and you feel you “need” answers now the best thing to do is to relax as much as possible about it.
The more stressed out and emotional... More...
By Manal Ghosain
“Life’s like a play; it’s not the length but the excellence of the acting that matters.” ~Seneca
Excellence is a scarce commodity. It’s becoming harder to find in our so called efficient, fast paced, plastic laden society. And because it’s rare, it’s highly rewarded when found.
We instinctively have an appreciation for the beauty that comes from genuine and skilled effort, even by today’s standards.
The thing that we fail to see about excellence is that it’s scarce by choice—the cumulative choice of the masses to just get by with half assed effort and mediocre results.
We can’t change how everyone acts on this planet. But we can choose to act differently, to become excellent at what we do.
Excellence comes from excel—to do extremely... More...
By Tammy Strobel
I rolled back into Portland on Thursday, last week. I’d been away for a few weeks because of my dad’s illness and when I came back into town the rain welcomed me home. I’m always amazed by how quickly my body adapts to different climates. For example, my folks live in Red Bluff and the climate is warm. It doesn’t rain that much and the winters aren’t very cold.
Over the last few weeks, I’d gotten used to the warm, dry weather. So yesterday, the idea of hopping on my bike in the pouring rain didn’t sound appealing. But I was anxious to see friends. We’d made plans for a Sunday brunch at a little coffee shop called Crema.
Even though I didn’t want to get on my bike, I had a blast on the ride and it made me feel a whole lot better; especially after spending two... More...
By Leah McClellan
To observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence. ~ J. Krishnamurti
Imagine, for a moment, a scene in which you had a difficult argument or conflict with someone. It could be one that has never been resolved and still flares up from time to time. It could be anything and anyone: a friend, spouse, parent, manager, employee or colleague, boyfriend or girlfriend, your child. Pick the most frustrating, aggravating, hurtful, annoying, or maddening scenario you can think of or even one that never seems to end.
Try to remember what the conflict was or is about. How did the other person act? What did he or she say? How did you act and what did you say?
Sit still for a moment, and put yourself back into that frame of mind. How... More...
